For those of us who have plenty of free time, sometimes (actually quite often), it ceases to feel like a luxury. Instead we scramble to fill the space with things, and duties. Sometimes if you are not wrapped up in passion, in arts or magick or ideas, it can feel like a burden. You deem yourself lazy, bored, restless, useless. Some of these ring the tunes of familiar sadness, maybe familiar loneliness.
In our culture, I’ve noticed that if we aren’t doing something it seems we are not worth the time and space. We become less free when we grapple with these ideas of our worth and our value in terms of our productivity. Passivity can cling too: t.v, netflix, shows, videos, feel like safety, inspiration, engagement, and bring some laughter and solace… but everything in happy moderation otherwise we can create stagnation.
How can we take back our power from the way life has swayed us? Against our better judgment or due to certain circumstances, we’ve ended up in this painfully aware, almost willfully mindless rut, with very little connection to ourselves and our direction.
There is nothing wrong with this. There is nothing wrong with relaxing in abundance.
But are you listening to yourself? To your body? Take a peek inside yourself. Does it hurt to do this? Is it numb or scary?
Is this what you really want? To feel this way for longer? Is this it? Maybe for now. That is fine.
How can you create motion when you’ve been so still? When you’ve become so scared to start again, when mental anxieties tear your focus away?
Become trapped, and find ways to be content? The pressure is on.
What shall we do?
“keeping the hope in our minds,
one day life will be kind…
we are surviving everytime”
We don’t cease easy.
You can find your way to come back into yourself. To feel warm again. I wanted to offer some gentle encouragement on your path. Wherever you are. Whatever you do. Specifically to those who’s spoons are low and have been, who haven’t checked their emotions, who no longer do so, who’ve found comfort that is false and actually makes us ache more. Bide your time and keep peeking in and keep shifting your gaze to practices and magick and other whatsoevers that resonate with you. And make little steps. Little steps, daily, or weekly, or monthly, as incrementally as you can.
Keep moving even in your motionless-ness.
If only eyes can look, then look. Look for what you want to see. And take note of what you’d love to achieve and be proud of every idea that graces your mind despite execution. And praise every little victory. Every tiny victory. Of waking up and being again for another day.
Here is a good time to learn more about yourself. Kindly explore, maybe challenge the parts of you or play with the parts of you. Do you love routines or spontaneity? Learn further poke longer, be softer.
Your way can come. Your way will come.
Get your boot straps, ask for help, lean and sway and find your way. Or wait, patiently with incremental motions. As much as you can.