As for your question though, my first thoughts when I started practicing magick we’re ones of intrigued, excitement, fear, and skepticism.
It was intriguing, because of all the cool things I started learning, and all the things I could only dream of getting to know. That was literally back when I did not know anything, and the most advanced concepts I knew was a bit of energy manipulation, and how to cast a circle. I never thought I would know what I know now, but I kept practicing, and learning more, and more each day, and with each day my knowledge grew. It has been eight years since I started and I still have barely scratched the surface, and still have a lot to learn my friend. So many more concepts, and practices to learn, and things to experience, and I don’t see it running out anytime soon.
I was also very excited when I first started practicing magick. It’s such a fun, creative, beautiful, personal, and unique thing. It’s hard not to be excited when you’re dealing with magick. Back then I didn’t know where anything was going to lead, anything could be around the next corner, and the only way to find out was to take that corner. It’s still very much like that today. Magick is very magical, and that’s probably one of the reasons I love it so much.
Also when I first started I did feel a lot of fear. This primarily stemmed from a lack of knowledge, and growing up with christian values. I can still remember being deadly afraid of the word witchcraft, the word occult, the pentagram, the inverted pentagram, and many other esoteric practices, ideas, and words. It also did not help that my family was so against my practice, and still is even to this day. They would never miss an opportunity to tell me that what I was doing was wrong in some way, even when the situation usually had nothing to do with me. Like I can remember my mom getting yelled at by my stepdad and then later blaming that argument on me for practicing my craft. Also all of the stupid shit they would say about random certain subjects that would literally make no sense from a metaphysical standpoint. These would be things such as my grandma saying “meditation leads to the DEVIL” (because if you close your eyes for 5 seconds the devil just appears and he’s like “hey bro, want to hang….”), and my mom saying “astral projections when a demon takes your body for a joyride”. Which for a practitioner just starting out is very tormenting. I mean these were the people that you at one point at least trust it a little bit for their insight, and input. As I learned more, and more my fear started to go away, and I even managed to gain enough knowledge to even talk my way out of my family’s discourse, but also to be able to tell them why they are wrong, and now I kind of make a game out of it.
When I started out I was also skeptical. I really wasn’t a spiritual person, or even a religious person my friend. Back then I really can’t remember what I actually cared about, or even really did. I pretty much just woke up went to school, play video games, and went to bed, and did the whole thing again the next day. The only thing that really drove me to start learning was this calling that I felt, and my awakening into therianthropy. I saw people claiming things that were crazy, and very illogical from a outsiders perspective. I didn’t trust these people at all, but the calling I felt told me to attempt the practices anyway. The more, and more I practiced different techniques, and the things I could find, the more I learned, and the last skeptical I became. I still doubted myself, and sometimes even the work and practices, but it kept me very grounded over these years. I’m still very skeptical even today, but once you build up a nice Foundation of knowledge to draw other ideas, and practices from you will realize how connected everything is, what you can trust, and what is true in the grand scheme of things. this skepticism has helps me to approach magick in a very logical way in which to experience why, and how it works.